Ishmael.

Last weekend I was really sick; I had an ear infection or something. But, on Sunday, mom asked me if I wanted to go out to breakfast with her and Aunt Kerry, so I said sure. We went to the Delphi, and of course I brought a book, because I'm just like that. The book was Ishmael, because Bry had just bought it for me, and told me it was one of the best books he had ever read, so of course I was excited to start. And mom and Aunt Kerry were talking, so I took it out to read while we were waiting for our food. After a while, mom wanted to read the back to see what it was about, and after doing so, she said, "Oh, so it's about Green, and environmental awareness and all?" and I said, "Well, why do you say that?" So she showed me that on the back it said the first few lines of the book, "Teacher seeks pupil, must have an earnest desire to save the world, apply in person." And she said "'Must have an earnest desire to save the world.' So I just figured they meant environmentally."
So, since I hadn't really begun to read it yet, I gave her and Aunt Kerry the explanation that Bry had given me when he bought it: "It teaches you to look past just your life and place in history, back to the beginning of everything, and analyze every event that has happened so far and what it means."
And Aunt Kerry laughed.
And I had one of those moments where I realized just how completely fucked all of humanity is if the majority of people find the idea of thinking past their life funny. I don't blame her, I just worry. It scares me that people can be so cavalier about exactly what their life means in the grand scheme of things, that almost no one cares anymore about what all this crap is about, what it's for.
I just don't know anymore. I'm so confused lately. I keep looking for something to tell me exactly what my purpose is, because I know that it's something important. But nothing's coming, and i'm afraid nothing will ever come.
Maybe it's because school just started, so of course i'm in my post-summer depression, but this year it's heavier, more intensified, and i'm just kind of sad a lot. I don't know. I just wanted to put this down somewhere. I hope things start making sense soon.