you know those days, where you can tell it's going to be shitty from the very beginning? like, you wake up way before you meant to, and then you get yelled at when you keep falling back to sleep? well not exactly that maybe, but that idea. and it might seem like it's going fine for awhile, and then the crappiest news ever shows up, though i won't go into detail about that here. let's just say it involved the extended family. so that in itself is enough to ruin your day out of sadness for them. and then, on top of that, it starts a conversation about another person whom you happen to be having problems with. and that get's you thinking about how it isn't fair that they did this to you in the first place, because you had enough to worry about, like growing up, before they had to go and fuck everything up for you. and it's like you just want to scream at them "What the fuck is wrong with you?! You're the adult, and I'm the kid! Get it fucking straight!" And now, because of their selfishness, your life is the one impacted.
something bry said to me got me thinking; he said he'd been feeling like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, for about the last two weeks, but really, he'd felt like that for almost 22 years. and it makes me sad, because i think just about everyone feels that way at some point or another, and most of the time it's not their fault. and the worst part is that when that happens, you feel like you can't talk to anyone about it, because you'll be laying your problems on them. and i think things could be so much better in this world if people would just talk to each other about the things that mattered, instead of the stupid stuff. I think then that there wouldn't be so much self-pity either, because they could help you get through it, and you wouldn't have to be alone.
i can tell you right now, i have never been more grateful for Sarah McLachlan; World on Fire has been playing practically non-stop on my iPod.

don't mention this to mom; she'll just get worried, and all i needed was to write this down and get it out.
really though, think about what i said, because all of you, meaning my siblings, know what happens when people don't talk to each other.

and i want you to know that i love you all so much, and you can talk to me whenever you need to, if there's no one else.
love♥,
ali

(here are the lyrics, you should download the song; it's gotten me thru tough
times.)

Hearts are worn in these dark ages
You're not alone in this story's pages
The light has fallen amongst the living and the dying
And I'll try to hold it in
Yeah I'll try to hold it in
The world's on fire it's more than I can handle
I tap into the water and try to bring my share
I try to bring more, more than I can handle
I'll bring it to the table
I'll bring what I am able
I watch the heavens but I find no calling
Something I can do to change whats coming
Stay close to me while the sky's falling
I don't wanna be left alone, don't wanna be alone
The world's on fire it's more than I can handle
I tap into the water and try to bring my share
I try to bring more, more than I can handle
I'll bring it to the table
I'll bring what I am able
Hearts break, hearts mend, love still hurts
Visions clash, planes crash, still there's talk of
Saving souls, still the cold's closing in on us
We part the veil on our killer sun
Stray from the straight line on this short run
The more we take, the less we become
A fortune of one man means less for some
The world's on fire it's more than I can handle
I tap into the water and try to bring my share
I try to bring more, more than I can handle
I'll bring it to the table
I'll bring what I am able
The world's on fire it's more than I can handle
I tap into the water and try to bring my share
I try to bring more, more than I can handle
I'll bring it to the table
I'll bring what I am able